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The following tips are not in the early years management course we deliver but hopefully they will be of benefit to you when running a service.
Remembering names.
By remembering a persons name we make them feel more valued and important. We make a instant impression of caring for someone. When we forget a persons name we may give the opposite impression. The key is to understand our brains are wired to remember pictures more easily than names. This is reason we normally remember faces but not names. How many times does some one come to see you and you instantly know the face but not the name?
There are several ways of remembering names more easily. They all take a bit of practice but in the long term the results are instant memory of names.
Method one - Visualisation. When someone is introduced to you, don't worry about what you are going to say (easier said than done i know) , first pay attention to them. Don't worry to much on glasses or hair because they can change. Look at size of ears, nose, chin or marks. Then make a link to their name.
Mr Taylor , Imagine him being measured for a suit. If he is tall then the tailor may be having to reach up.
Mr Straw , imagine him holding some straw in his hand if its big , or in his hair if its like straw.
By making a visualisation we store it more easily. If you think of something in your head say a chicken its not the words chicken that appear it is the picture of a chicken. It is where the jokes along the lines of 'what do you call a man with a rabbit on his head - Warren' , work so well because we build up the picture in our minds..
Method two - Vocalisation. If mnemonics are not for you (memory though pictures). Then another approach is to say the persons name out loud. This is best done within 4 seconds of being introduced and then try to say the name three times but without being patronising. It is thought that hearing your self say the name makes the brain remember better.
Method three - Vocalisation and Visualising - This is my preferred method. If their is a distinct visual connection between the persons name and a picture then I use that, Ie Mrs Saint then I would link the persons face to having a halo around it. I would be do this in my mind every time I am saying the persons name .
It is also helpful for all the above methods to repeat the persons name at a later time. What works best for you ,you would have to find out. It may be ten minutes after you met them or a review of all the new people you have met at the end of the day.
Self-confidence And Assertiveness
People are normally not assertive , building assertiveness and self confidence is a wish for a lot of people , managers are no different. Most people really what, is not to be transformed in to an excessively dominate person, rather they would like to become more resistant to pressure and dominance of people around them. And how they can stand up to bullies and to keep more control of situations that are impotent to them. Some people have a personal face and then they have a business face. Like an actor they get in to the role of being the business person by practicing and rehearsing. In business it is not scripted, however some forward thought and preparation can pay dividends. The terms 'out going' and 'shy' are ones which we commonly used to describe ourselves. Many people think of them self's as shy, Tom Hanks, Albert Einstein to name a few but we see them as different.
Some easy tip to make you feel and appear more confident,
1 Make eye contact. If you cant look straight in the eyes look at the point between the eyes. If its to a large group look around but look at top of heads.
2. Speak loudly. Think about you words and make every one count.
3. Hold something in your hand. It is an odd one but someone who is holding something is seen to be in control. It is confidence boosting that you don't have to worry what your hands are doing.
The following keys to improving your self will take a bit more time and require some of your own thought.
- Think about the situation you might face. Research the situation so you have all the details to hand.
- Run through in your head what actions other people might take.
- Prepare and use good open questions.
- Think about how you react to assertive people.
- Think about the style you work in and how it makes others react.
- Feel sympathy for dominate people - they actually need it.
Know the details.
If you are prepare you feel more in control. How many times have you seen a dominate person push there point across with out any facts. If you have the facts and are prepared they are more likely to back off. A by product of this is you will be seen as someone who is organises and firm.
Run through what other peoples reactions might be.
This sounds simple, it is. Don't worry as that would defeat becoming in more confident! But think over different scenarios and prepare your own responses. Don't go agonising over every twist, concentrate on sticking to the point you what to get across. Saying that the more scenarios you have thought about the more confident you will become.
Prepare and use good open questions
I am sure you will have seen an interview on TV where the person being interviewed is put on the spot. The questioner is instantly the dominate person. The questioner has gained the initiative. For the question to work best some fore thought is involved. I am sure when you have been anticipating the persons behaviour you have also been thinking about questions. Questions that work best are deep, constructive, incisive and probing, especially if the question exposes a lack of thought, preparation, consideration, consultation on their part. For example:
- 'What is your evidence (for what you have said or claimed)?'
- 'Who have you consulted about this?'
- 'How did you go about looking for alternative solutions?'
- 'How have you measured (whatever you say is a problem)?'
- 'How will you measure the true effectiveness of your solution if you implement it?'
- 'What can you say about different solutions that have worked in other situations?'
And don't be diverted. If the person does not answer the question ,ask the question again or rephase it. This again can be part of rehearsing the situation.
Your reaction to being dominated.
As soon as someone becomes aggressive do you get rail-roaded into their demands. Do you wish you had time to think, well create time to think. Visualise yourself , when you know you are getting bulldozed, saying 'hold on a minute - I need to consider this.' Also practise saying 'I'm not sure about that. It's to important to make a snap decision on. Tell me when you need to know an answer and I will get back to you'. If you fear someone shouting of throwing a tantrum practice with a scary friend. Get them to shout at your and practice keeping your cool and controlling your responses.
Your style
Non-assertive people have different styles and methods compared to dominant, aggressive people and bullies. Non-assertive people are often extremely strong in areas of process, detail, dependability, reliability, finishing things (that others have started), checking, monitoring, communicating, interpreting and understanding, and working cooperatively with others. Find out what your strengths and style are and use them to defend and support your position. The biggest tantrum is no match for a well organised defence.
Feel sympathy
Re-discover the belief that non-assertive behaviour is actually okay - it's the bullies who are the ones with the problems. Feeling sympathy for someone who threatens you will psychologically put you in the ascendancy.
Food for thought
'if' by Rudyard Kipling
If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it all on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!
Rudyard Kipling (1865-1936)
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